I Hurt





September 2, 2016 (Written) Posted to Courtland's Hope Foundation Website-September 5, 2017

I wrote this blog post at the beginning of the school year in 2016 and it is still applicable today, only today, my son is starting Grade 5! 

I am a mom, my child has a disability. He is not defined by it-it is just a part of him. He is inspiring, he is fun... he loves life.

I hurt.

I hurt because I am a mom that would have loved nothing better than to have a child who didn't have to face challenges from the very start.

He has had wonderful opportunities that kids his age often will never have. He has met a hockey player and been invited to an NHL game where he got to go to the locker room and came home with a pretty awesome souvenir, (a signed stick) from the player! He attended the F1 race in Montreal and got to see awesome cars and go to a swanky party where he was the only child- because he was the invited guest of a driver.

I hurt.

I hurt because I suddenly realize that he would never have had those opportunities if not for having cerebral palsy... I hurt because for as much as those things were wonderful for him, I wish that wasn't the reason he had been so blessed.

He started school yesterday, grade 4. I am so proud of him!
I hurt because I had to tell the new principal about his challenges and that he will miss lots of school because of assessments. I hurt because I loathe those conversations.

Then I start to realize, that although I hurt for my child and the fact that he has a disability, that's pretty selfish of me! It’s okay to feel the pain (it can't be denied), but l don't want to have a pity party either!

Those things that make us hurt also make us COURAGEOUS and HOPEFUL! We grow in spite of them. Abraham Lincoln once said "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." We can be hurt by the thorns, but still be thankful for the beauty of the rose. That is how I see this circumstance.

My son makes me want to be a better person. He has tenacity and courage, and he has taught me so much about HOPE and faith. Even though I hurt (my mommy heart hurts), even though there are sometimes tough days and there will be ahead too, HOPING gets me to the light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, knowing that I can make it to the finish line and my son will too! 

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