Grief

March 9, 2016

Let's talk about grief.

Remember when you were pregnant (or your wife/partner was?) Remember how excited you felt? This child would be a mini you- you dreamed of playing ball with your son, or doing your little girl's hair with pretty pink bows. It was a wonderful time and you were filled with anticipation.

Then, he/she was born and you were so overjoyed....... suddenly your dream of having a child was realized.

Then you were hit with a catastrophe.

Something wasn't right... your heart sank...... it was a diagnosis of a disability or of a chronic medical condition. Perhaps you wept, or screamed not understanding why.

The grief involved with having a child with a disability is not like the grief associated with the passing of a loved one. It is often a private grief not shared with others. There are many moments in your child's life that you will celebrate but there are others that will cause a tear to come to your eye.

It's a private grief because others don't understand it; maybe even your family members don't understand, because they just see the positive things. Somehow, they think that just because your child has overcome the odds, that that should be enough to make you happy, but it's not about that.

The grief that you experience as a parent in this situation is the loss of the hopes and dreams that you once held for your child. In my own experience, the grief creeps in on warm summer days when I want to play catch, then realize that Courtland can't understand how to put his hand into a ball glove. Or on days when he tells me that he wants to be a hockey player when he grows up. He doesn't yet have the understanding that the limitations of cerebral palsy will not allow him to do that; and that breaks my heart.

I want you to understand that this grieving is a process, and it is natural. Sometimes we just need someone to lean on and to share our experiences with. You are not alone in this journey and it is okay to have feelings of grief.

You can make it through!