Turn, Turn, Turn


January 10, 2016

"To everything there is a season and a time, to every purpose under heaven." That's biblical, (Ecclesiastes 3:1) but it is also in a song called "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Byrds from 1965. I was pondering that as I was reflecting on the changes that Courtland has went through and the things that I wanted to share with you in this post.

My little boy, as many of you know, has a rare form of cerebral palsy. He is very functional and becoming more and more independent. As I write this I hear the song in my head again, "Turn, Turn, Turn."

He is growing up, and I can't stop that from happening. So much of me wants to treat him like a baby- he is my baby, he is our only child. Yet, I am excited that he is wanting to do things on his own.

For a long time because of disability, I did everything for him. I carried him around because he had mobility issues. I dressed him because he couldn't understand the steps necessary to do it himself. I did all the self care things for him that he should have learned to do around two or three years of age. Suddenly, he can do many of these things himself. "Turn, Turn, Turn."

The other night, I was tucking Courtland into bed. I usually sing to him, he told me he didn't want me to, this is how our conversation went:

 Courtland:" I am waiting for you."

 Me: "Waiting for me to what?"

 Courtland: "Waiting for you to exit."

I felt like I just got punched, he wanted me to leave......Turn, Turn, Turn. He is getting older and he doesn't need the bedtime routine.

Courtland still needs me, but he doesn't need me to the same extent that he once did. It's awesome and terrible at the same time. It gives me mixed feelings, but I know that is a normal response, all parents get to that point with their children; it's bittersweet for me.

The world keeps on turning, in spite of my feelings. Then it occurs to me that this is a natural progression, just like the changing of seasons. "To everything there is a season and a time..." and now we are just going from one season to another in the course of life and our journey together tackling the world in a different manner because of a disability. "Turn, Turn, Turn."

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