Just the Facts

October 24, 2017

I recently chatted with a friend of mine about the facts of our children's diagnoses. We talked about the surface stuff, the facts. Then, because we are friends, we got a little beyond the surface and began to discuss why it is that when we talk about our kids, we only mention facts.

The facts are just facts. They (usually) do not have emotion attached. I think that this is a coping mechanism. We know the facts and we know that we cannot change them. Then I realized, the emotion is in the details. I can have a conversation explaining all the facts of my child's condition and not show an ounce of emotion. It's when I have to share the details about my child's life that I start to feel emotional (and uncomfortable).

I remember all the details, but I choose not go into all that when asked about my child or his diagnosis. Realizing that my son had cerebral palsy was very traumatic for me, so it is not surprising that I am a bit vague on the details when the subject comes up. I tend to stick to the facts. But, I should mention, just because I don't like to go into detail does not mean I haven't dealt with the negative feelings and hurt attached to those details. I have learned that though painful, it is a part of our story. I believe my heart and soul have healed, but I choose not to discuss those details; they bring a lot of negativity and sadness into my life, and we are past that. Now, I choose to focus on the progress my child has made, and the joy that he has brought to our lives in spite of (or maybe because of) who he is.

Don't be surprised if you talk with a mom of an atypical kid and she is vague or emotionless. Listen to the facts and don't pry into the details. (There is a reason she is not mentioning those!)